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Ya just can't make stuff like this up
 These
are actual, real, bona-fide, genuine letters that have been sent to city
hall. We're not exactly sure who the writer really is, or even if
he actually lives in Venice, but he's been sending unsigned "anonymous"
letters to city hall for a couple of years now. Since he won't give
out his name, we've assigned him the nom de plume of
 Hieronymus Crankshaft.We've
chuckled over a number of
these letters in the
past, and the misanthropic missives have, on occasion, been
passed around by city hall employees as well-deserved comedy relief. With
the help of the
city clerk's office, we will publish future Crankshaft letters as we acquire
them, right here in Crankshaft's own section. We'll try to get hold of some of his best comedy
gems from the past as well. |
 NEW:
When I think of Drag Queen Bingo, I touch myself
It's gonna make the kids in this town turn queer, too
-- March 24, 2008
Marty Black is evil and corrupt
This one bypassed city hall and was sent directly to Venice Florida! dot
com; Marty Black is a dictator out to get the unions and employees and won't
listen to any attorney except Jeff Boone... actually, that last part is
fairly accurate
-- March 15, 2008
Sharkey's is too expensive for me, so
can we tear it down and put some condos there instead?
You can't even afford to get drunk there
March 12, 2008
We want the attorney general to investigate Herb
Levine's mystical major powers
Levine and Maxine Barritt have telekinesis,
Sue Land [sic] has a tree fetish, and the correct spelling is "cit5iznes" -- the
5 is silent
-- February 28, 2008
Starkey's is gouging us on food and
drink prices - why the hell did we move here?
Starkey's [sic] is a rip-off, Lake
Venice Golf Course is even worse, council is a bunch of liberal jerks
-- February 28, 2008
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